Mike Long: Summary

Mike Long, a self-described pioneer in the abstinence movement, describes his three-day trip to an area, during which he addresses educators, parents, and young people about abstinence, as “one of the most productive uses of the Title V Abstinence Education Grants and Drug/Alcohol Grants.”[1]   Long believes that young people need “directive education” which he argues does not preach or lecture but gets “on a teenager’s level” and “direct[s] them how to make to make responsible, healthy decisions….”

Unfortunately, in the video-taped version of his presentation, “Everyone is NOT Doing It,” Long does just what he says he won’t do—he lectures, preaches and tells young people in no uncertain terms that premarital sex is morally wrong, that they are incapable of making decisions for themselves, and that everyone should aspire to marry and raise children in a “traditional” family setting.  Along the way, he relies on messages of fear and shame and provides medically inaccurate information.

Long’s presentation style falls somewhere between that of an infomercial spokesperson and a televangelist. While he seems anxious to be thought of as a friend who has listened to thousands of teens and understands them, he addresses his audience as “teenager” and speaks in a condescending tone.  And, despite the fact that he spends a great deal of time discussing the influence of the media, he includes no up-to-date cultural reference and uses terms like “petting” and situations like hanging out at a car wash that seem unlikely to appeal to today’s teens. 

Relying On Negative Messages

Unrealistic Expectations—Crediting Abstinence with Future Happiness

• If they choose abstinence, teens can “be a teenager” and have a “happy, healthy, more fulfilled life — pursue what you want to do, be what you want to be….”
• “Here’s the bottom line, if you have not had sex at this point in your life, you choose not to have sex until you get married, and you remain faithful to your spouse… Guess what? You do not have to worry about any of this stuff [pregnancy, STDs, and a broken heart].”
• Abstinent teens “don’t ever have to worry about [divorce because of sexual problems], it’s just going to be between you and that person that you’re willing to make a lifelong commitment to, to grow together, have fun together, explore together, enjoy together as it is supposed to be.”

By crediting abstinence with all life’s future success, he is instilling young people with unrealistic expectations. Moreover, it is inaccurate to suggest that married couples – even those in which both partners were virgins on their wedding night – never have to worry about unintended pregnancy, sexual problems, or broken hearts.

Messages of Fear—Portraying Premarital Sex as Harmful

• “Make a list of the potential consequences and determine whether you would like to live with pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, the emotional shock, the hurt to your parents, and how the knowledge of your behavior might affect your reputation at school and among your friends.”
• “To avoid these threatening diseases, sensible teenagers decide to abstain from sex until marriage and marry someone who’s made the same intelligent decision.” (Those who have not abstained are referred to as “unthinking youngsters.”)
•  “Ask yourself this question. If everyone in the group was playing Russian roulette with a loaded pistol, would you play too?”

Despite attempting to take a positive approach to teaching about abstinence, Mike Long devotes a good deal of his presentation and book to detailing the potential consequences of sexual activity outside of marriage which he refers to as life-scarring.  This enumeration of the endless and inevitable consequences of premarital sex is clearly designed to scare young people rather than educate them. 

Messages of Shame—Creating a Dichotomy Between “Good” and “Bad” People

• “Now I know that the vast majority of you in here right now can sit back and go phew and feel great about yourself and proud about what you are and who you are.”
• “You know how when we go to bed at night we think back on the events of the day, I promise that person [who has teased you about being abstinent] is going to wonder what you’ve got that they don’t have.”
• “You’ll never know whom you want to marry… Maybe that man or woman will regard virginity as an important indicator of character, and maybe, if you’ve been sexually active, he or she will find out. (If you’ve been pregnant or had a sexually transmitted disease, your chances of marrying such a person may be even slimmer.)”

Long seems to view virginity as the ultimate test of a person’s character and moral worth.  Throughout his presentation, Long divides teenagers into those who are virgins, who should feel great about themselves, and those who have had sex who should not. He goes on to suggest that those young people who have had sex are less likely to succeed and are no longer marriage material.  Nearly 50% of high school students and 63% of high school seniors have had sexual intercourse. It is never acceptable to tell these teens are of less value or that they are less worthy of trust or respect than their abstinent peers.

Distorting Information

Sexually Transmitted Diseases—Misleading Students

• “This highly painful disease [gonorrhea] is all too common among teenagers and can affect your throat, your joints, and other portions of your body, as well as your sexual organs.”
• “Over one million teenagers (ages 15-18) were infected last year with this dangerous and potentially fatal disease, which can eventually drive you insane.
• “These growths [genital warts] are a leading cause of cervical cancer among women.”

These brief snip-its of information that Mike Long bothers to include about STDs are incomplete and often inaccurate.  Gonorrhea is caused by a bacteria, most often infects the cervix and/or urethra, and is curable with antibiotics.  Syphilis is also curable and while at one point in the distant past, people did go insane and die from this disease, with today’s modern medicine this is quite rare.  And, although genital warts and cervical cancer are caused by the same virus (HPV) they are caused by different strains and as such warts do not cause cervical cancer. This brief summary is almost devoid of information and clearly designed to scare students; young people would be better served by an unbiased discussion of how various STDs are transmitted, the symptoms they need to be aware of, and how they can seek testing and treatment.

Condoms and Contraception—Discouraging Use

• “The pregnancy rate among teenage girls whose partners use condoms is 16-18%. What exactly does this mean? It means that, during a one-year period, 16 of every 100 sexually active girls to prevent pregnancy will get pregnant anyway…Would you fly on an airline if you knew that 16 of 100 planes they send up will crash within a year?”
• As we look at the failure rate for condoms with respect to pregnancy being about 15% and we know that you can only get pregnant 3 or 4 days a month. How effective can we expect condoms to be at preventing STDs when you can catch an STD 365 days a year?”
• “Condoms don’t effectively prevent the spread of AIDS.”
• “If you break society’s rules about having sex outside of marriage, you’ll probably find it even easier to ignore warnings about using a condom.”

Instead of telling young people the benefits (and limitations) of condoms, Long uses inaccurate statistics and fuzzy math to suggest that condoms never work. In truth years of scientific research has shown that that when used consistently and correctly latex condoms are highly effective in preventing pregnancy and reducing the risk of STDs, including HIV.[2] And, when condoms do fail it is far more often than not caused by an error in use rather than a flaw in the condom itself.  Unfortunately, Long’s student’s will not learn to us condoms correctly and after being told that they don’t work, are unlikely to use them at all.  Discouraging condom use is a direct contradiction to the public health goals of preventing unintended pregnancy and STDs. 

Mandating Decisions

The Red Zone—Portraying Sexual Arousal as a Force Out of Control

• “Yep, you’re at the 20 yard line and the offense is getting ready to score.  Alright, now that means that in the red zone, the defense has to be at its best.” 
• “A simple kiss goes to a more deep and involved kiss…  [the] same thing is happening to you that alcohol and drugs do.”
• “Don’t ever get into the red zone. Why? Because you know that your ability to make a good decision will go away.”
• “Don’t dress in such a way that you encourage others to push you toward the red zone.”

This image of sex as a competitive sport in which one person is trying to “score” or “win” and the other has to “play defense” is a terrible way for young people to think about intimate relationships. And, the idea that once they begin any kind of sexual behavior they will be unable to stop is perhaps the most dangerous message we can give young people.  It simultaneously makes them doubt their ability to make decisions and allows them to abdicate responsibility for what happens.  

The Marriage Mandate—Promoting One Lifestyle

• “[Sex is] a wonderful thing in the context of a committed relationship based on love and marriage… then there’s going to be little babies coming along and they’re going to be wonderful and they’re going to have a mom and they’re going to have a dad and it’s going to be a wonderful family.  And this is what it’s all about.”
• “Over the past several decades, the traditional family has become more and more unstable; and as a consequences more and more children are being raised in troubled homes.”

The suggestion that a traditional family is superior and a non-traditional family is by its nature troubled is unfair and inaccurate.  There are many unhappy families with two married parents and there are plenty of families in which loving single parents, same-sex parents, step-parents, or grandparents are raising happy and healthy children. There are many reasons that a student may live in a family that does not match the ideal model espoused by Long. It is unfair and potentially harmful to suggest to young people—who as children have no control over their current familial situation—that their families are any less valuable than others.  Moreover, this exclusive focus on marriage ignores and alienates gay and lesbian students who can never legally marry in most parts of this country.

Grown-Ups Misbehaving—Attempting to Regulate Adult Behavior

• “I was surprised when some teenagers told me that adult family members had encouraged them to have sex—if not in actual word, then by example.  For one thing, the number of single-parent families has increased alarmingly over the past four decades.”
• “They learn that Bob and Susie, the couple next door aren’t married; they listen as Uncle Jack brags about his new live-in girl friend; Mom’s old college roommate comes for a two-day visit.  She brings her boyfriend, and they share a room; and dad keeps copies of Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler around the house –sending a message to his kids that his interest in sex isn’t necessarily confined to mom.” 

What Long fails to acknowledge, however, is that many adults do not share his values about sex.  While he may feel that it is inappropriate for two unmarried adults to live together without being married or share a bedroom on vacation, many people do not.  And while Long bemoans pornography as a dangerous drug, others believe that adults have a right to view this material.  It is inappropriate for an educational program to mandate behavior for grown men and women.  Adults who choose not to follow Mike Long’s rules are not necessarily misbehaving but exercising their rights as adults to make sexual decisions in accordance to their own values.